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Open Wide and Say AAAAAAAARRRGH!!!!!

Do you have that epoxy in a delightful mint flavor?

It was supposed to be a pretty quick trip to the dentist. I purposely did NOT sport a ponytail that day so I could lay back comfortably in the chair and get prepped for a crown. The bad kind.

I observed the macabre assortment of tools next to the chair and immediately spotted a caulking gun looking thing that was loaded with a pink substance. I asked the hygienist if this was intended for me, to which she readily replied that it was. It was the substance with which they’d take the impression of the spot that would receive the crown.

My hamster stopped in its wheel.

I carry an EpiPen loaded with epinephrine for times I accidentally consume red food coloring. My lips and eyes swell and my breathing suffers too, and I look like a fun-house mirror version of myself if I get hold of the stuff. It takes DAYS to go back down to normal.

I say, “I am allergic to red food coloring.”
She says, “But this is not food.”


(Oh boy.)

“But is your office willing to gamble that I will not have an anaphilactic response to this? I know that I wrote in the allergy section of my chart you have there that I have this condition. Do you have white mint flavor?”

More silence.

She says, “I need to go check with the doctor and see if we can get a list of the ingredients.”
“Well, it’s pink,” I say, “so I’m pretty sure that red coloring was involved in its creation at some point.”

She then disappeared for about 40 minutes while I played with my iPhone, read People magazine and learned all about Kim Kardashian’s wedding (the family doesn’t like the husband) and how Erykah Badu is now a doula in Texas. Interesting, but a waste of my time.

Sheepishly, she returns and lets me know that they need to research the situation and then call me back but “do you want to reschedule your appointment”?

Oh save me and clutch my pearls!

“No. I will wait for you to come up with a solution and then you call ME okay?”

This brings a few things into sharp relief:

1. People don’t read anymore: I think we all have about 4 seconds worth of an attention span anymore. If you’ve read my blog to this point, then congratulations. You’re a rare reader! Not reading is NOT acceptable when it comes to medical situations.

2. Do I really want these people working on me? I don’t think so. Now I am afraid that they will somehow retaliate for me being a pain, like a waitress would do to a mean customer. Note: don’t EVER mouth off to someone who sees your food before you do.

3. Lastly: Do I waste other people’s time by not being prepared? This is completely rhetorical, and giving me a lot of pause.

Today is THURSDAY and the incident happened Monday. I’ll update you when there is movement again, but I think I’ll call my old dentist in Lake Oswego that I love and miss to see if he’ll take me back.


One comment on “Open Wide and Say AAAAAAAARRRGH!!!!!

  1. I TOTALLY hear you on the reading thing! I swear, people only read the first four words – the whole first sentence if I’m really lucky — of any email I send. And then I get a reply or a phone call or a personal visit asking again for the information that I ALREADY SUPPLIED. Or if it’s me ASKING a question — I have to KEEP asking. Huge pet peeve. So glad you spotted the pink stuff before it went into your mouth!

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